Zimbabwe’s second Vice President, Phelekezela Mphoko has revealed that after his five year study of social dynamics in Zimbabwe, he has discovered that most orphans in the country do not have parents who are alive.

The study, which was funded by his government, was meant to provide answers to Zimbabwe’s most notorious unanswered questions.

Speaking to people who gathered at a rally in Bulawayo, Mphoko, who is affectionately known as Mboko (a rotten useless pumpkin), the Vice President who himself often behaves like his head has pumpkin and not brain shocked many.

‘Look, for five years, i studied the Zimbabwean people, so that i can give new answers. And you know what i found? I found out that most orphans do not have biological parents who are alive.’

‘Some have adopted parents, some have uncles, some have aunts. But their bilogical parents will be dead.’

‘This is something you would not know, if it was not for my intelligent self working hard to help you find answers’

The Vice President then demanded that he take over from Mugabe when he dies because of this.

‘Look, look, see the answers i found. I must be next President because of this. Because i am very smart.’ he added.

It was not known yet if the Vice President had ever opened a dictionary and looked up the definition of ‘orphan’